Sunday, February 17, 2008
Telling Details
Sitting in the hot sun, waiting for her boyfriend, she raises her coffee to her lips. But quickly removes it to add another Splenda. She curiously searches the crowd as she impatiently taps her foot under the table. The newspaper in front of her is old news to her. Her gray sweater lies on the chair beside her along with her Louis Vuitton purse. She continues to keeps her cool as her boyfriend arrives and continues to avoid her coffee because there is more important news to discuss. (88 words).
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1 comment:
Your second sentence is an incomplete sentence; combine it with the first sentence to fix that problem.
Some good details in here ("add another Splenda"..."impatiently taps her foot"), but a few other spots where I'd like to see more.
For example, when you say, "The newspaper in front of her is old news to her," I suspect you're implying she's already had time to read it while she was waiting. But you could be more descriptive: "A newspaper lay folded on the table, slightly crumbled, already read."
Also, how does she "continue to keep her cool" when he arrives? What does she do?
(B)
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